i found a tibetan website today

i still worry sometimes that i'm possibly still wandering around with no real purpose in life as far as things like the above go i mean i suppose learning new things makes me happy i feel like i'm branching out in so many different directions that i can't keep up with where i've gone and where i'm going i just follow so many things at once that i run into that same problem that i was talking about in that other blog where i feel like taking a break even for punctuation obviously would slow me down to the point that i couldn't keep up with all the mental commitments that i have and then i feel like i'd break down and have nothing left because all i've ever really had is my mind and knowing things what am i supposed to do if i can't do that anymore but settling on something to care about seems about as strange and terrifying

hatequietpassionhappinesssleeptiredslowhappysleepyhungrydead
warmcoldtiredhappysadhappytiredblankbored was today

Yes, so I've decided that I'd like to use this journal for a while, mostly because I'm being isolationist and not particularly caring about who reads my thoughts anymore. Blogger's more interesting-looking, and I'm just kind of tired of Livejournal. I know I've done this before, but I think I'm actually going to stay this way. I guess the fact that I've thus far (though not so well at the moment) been able to support myself and Kat is some testament to not being like I always have been, and flaking out. That's one of the reasons that I'm going back to school next semester. It just seems like the right thing to do for once. I know what I want out of life, but I have my doubts that I'll be able to attain it. I suppose it's realistic to think that even if I do actually make it all the way through school (as far as I want to go, I mean, PhD and such), then I might have trouble applying a linguistics degree... but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I want to have a purpose. I want there to be something I can do that a lot of people can't do, something to distinguish me from the rather large amount of humans on this planet. I suppose that's where my fascination with obtuse topics comes from. After all, who really knows or wants to know about the way East and Southeast Asian languages contrast in regard to their tonal system? What difference does it make what kinds of structures and usage paradigms Georgian poets used from Rustaveli to the present? Why is it important that Lithuanian preserves more archaic grammatical functions than any of the other descendants of Indo-European? Most people couldn't answer these questions, but I take pride in being able to. I guess that's all I want, really. I want to be able to have the authority to teach people things they don't already know, because I want them to know (or more importantly, I guess, I want them to learn it from me). That's kind of narcissistic, isn't it? I can't be different just by making inapproptiate jokes and stonewalling anyone who tries to get close to me. A lot of people do that.

I think that's all for now. Just a little pathetic cry for help before I go back to wondering how I'm going to have the money to make the holidays work.

There Will Always Be an England

British police said they were investigating a complaint that an officer farted while searching a London home during a drug raid. "An allegation has been received from a person in the house that one of the male officers broke wind and did not apologize to the family for his action," said a letter from Scotland Yard to the officers involved in the raid that was printed in the Daily Mail newspaper. "The complainant felt it was rude and unprofessional."